Sunday, February 23, 2014

All The News That's Fit To Print (Part 4)

Dispatches from the Low Quarter of Val-Soth, as of 02/16/2014:

The latest from the Low Quarterly:

Mathilda, Diamond Debs ringleader

A daring raid by the Diamond Debs and their yet-unnamed associates sent the Metal Fingers packing from the contested ruin of the Clock King's tower. Although a simultaneous strike against the Danceteria proved to be less successful, the Debs moved quickly to secure the site, declaring it to be a "safe zone" after clearing the area of corpses and shattered cybernetics. Mathilda, leader of the Debs, announced that their new allies are welcome to come and go as they please, along with any friends on G+ they may have. The rest are expected to pay the standard rate of 25 gp per head.

Fashionista and sociopath

Yaga, Arbiter trendsetter and rival to Prana for the year's best dressed, has undergone a mission of mercy to the 7th Ward, publicly announcing that, "On a recent fact-finding mission I found this place to be a squalid little hole lacking entirely in aesthetic beauty and joie de vivre. In other words, it is a time for a makeover!" Yaga, followed by his usual crowd of sybarites and hangers-on, began his cleanup campaign with the makeshift shacks in the Abbol Canal, organizing the homeless into painting their jerry-built shelters in vivid pinks, greens, and oranges, followed by a spirited line dance. There was only one party pooper who objected to "performing in this degrading spectacle", and after the line dance everyone was treated to his public execution for questioning the will of the gods.

Yaga, along with his retinue, has set up shop in in the home of Valmar, noted Law & Order Party booster and successful garment manufacturer. Valmar, when questioned, stated (without much enthusiasm, this reporter must note): "I am pleased to host these ... gentlemen. It is a ... rare opportunity." Yaga was not available for further comment, as he was last seen dallying with Valmar's buxom daughter, Kadja.


In international news, Val-Soth's beleaguered colony Almurth has once again been wracked by a brutal assault by native Krütians who slaughtered landowners and burned valuable rubber plantations. General Metroom has attempted to placate the fears of colonial investors and landowners, stating, "In light of the current tragedy, we are working night and day to launch new military initiatives that will undoubtedly crush the unthinking resistance of these savages." In a patriotic fervor, an intrepid mob of Low Quarter locals descended on the 5th Ward, home of Val-Soth's Krütian immigrants, and handed out a lively drubbing of any "suspicious types" to remind them of their place.

Any similarities to real events or persons living or dead is probably coincidental...
Almurth, while a profitable expansion of Val-Soth's empire thanks to the lush greenery in the jungles south of the Surviving Sea, has met an unusually strong resistance by the natives whose cowardly guerrilla tactics have proven effective against the heroic men and women of Val-Soth's military.
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