The latest from the Low Quarterly:
In sports news, it was an amazing week in the Kushtur Arena with the hot-rodding Metalheads facing off against Jawbreaker, the meanest triceratops ever to grace the crimson sands. Jawbreaker, with an amazing 12 kill winning streak, was the clear favorite against the relatively untested Metalheads, despite their souped-up murder machine and cybernetic enhancements. A grueling sixteen rounds of absolute mayhem left three of the four Metalheads gored and crushed underfoot and their murdermobile a flaming wreck. The last man standing was their leader Buzzsaw, who managed to climb atop the wily Jawbreaker and sever the jugular of the rampaging monster with his rotating saw hand.
|The cyber-hand retracts and a buzzsaw pops out.|
The trial of One-Eye, the false mutant who claimed to be descended from the gods, ended today with his public execution. One-Eye, a former adventurer who had made a splash in the headlines after proclaiming himself to be the son of the Twins, was sentenced by a tribunal of the Elite, each member representing one of the three dynasties. While One-Eye was not the first mutant to attempt to claim his "blood rights" and join the Elites, there have been few claimants who have undergone the Trials of the Gods in recent years. Whether because so few claimants survive the trials or because the Gods of the Earth have become less promiscuous has been a debate among scholars for over a century, with no clear answers emerging.
The flesh-lord warlock known as Lum the Lascivious has publicly pronounced his interest in obtaining a live Hoblok specimen from the Underworld for the purposes of study "both academic and salacious". In exchange, he has offered to "reveal the secrets of the flesh to young, nubile witches and warlocks up to the second level of his alignment".
Finally, and perhaps of the greatest interest to adventuring mobs, the cyborg gang known as Metal Fingers has seized control of the recently-exposed entrance to the Underworld, led by the gladiatorial champion known as Buzzsaw. In response, the local police raided the known Metal Finger-associated Danceteria, a dime-a-dance joint for lonely men. Even a showdown with the Diamond Debs could not extricate the Metal Fingers, who (for the moment) appear to have solidly wrested control over the contested plot of land.