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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Fucking Tourists!


Recently on Krül there has been a development which has puzzled and angered many, leading to the frequently-employed axiom "Fucking Tourist!"

The Tourists first appeared a little over a year ago, and their numbers were quite small. Over time, however, they have become a more frequent sight, with many resident marking them out for beatings, swindles, and scorn.

These barrel-chested fighting men are easily spotted, each being an exact duplicate of the last. Their defining traits are generally a complete cluelessness about the world around them, an inability to recognize the consequences of their actions, and a tendency to leap about at great heights, announcing their arrival in a most ostentatious manner.

None suspect the exact nature of the Tourist, being a simulacra produced by FunView LLC, an interstellar corporation that provides high-end leisure products for the sociopathically decadent and wealthy. Their newest product is the ultimate innovation in adventure vacationing - the ability to inhabit a clone on an isolated, barbaric world.

Through an immersive virtual reality interface, space yuppies burn off their frustrations in the consequence-free environment of a forbidden planet without undertaking any actual risk (excepting a small chance of lethal feedback should one's clone be killed).



Tourist
Requirements: STR 12, CON 10, CHA >9
Prime Requisite: STR
Hit Dice: 1d8
Maximum Level: 10

Tourists are wealthy blowhards from elsewhere in the galaxy who cybernetically inhabit a clone body on the Savage World of Krül. As their bodies were constructed to be the disposable soldiers of a made-to-order army, Tourists excel as warriors despite the shortcomings of their end-user.

As only a single clone bank survived the Annihilation Event, every Tourist looks exactly alike, and many inhabitants do not bother to distinguish one from another. Complicating this is a legal directive by FunView LLC that absolutely no information about the client's life outside of Krül can be divulged, nor can anything be revealed about events or individuals off-planet. Failure to follow these guidelines result in the immediate remote termination of the clone.

Birthed from an undisclosed location outside the City-State of Val-Soth, the Tourist begins with only a single piece of equipment, a longsword, although they can use any weapons or armor. As all Tourists are gifted with extraordinarily strong leg muscles designed for leaping, they are capable of leaping 30' straight up and long jumping up to 60' with ease.

The interplanetary cybernetic connection provided by FunView LLC is not an entirely stable piece of equipment, however. This manifests in two distinct ways. First, all Tourists are vulnerable to Charm-based effects, saving as if they are 3 levels lower than they actually are (Tourists level 1-3 save as a 0-level human). The second effect is much more dangerous. While normal PCs will roll on a Death and Dismemberment chart if they reach 0 HP or less, a Tourist must immediately make a Savings Throw versus Death. If they fail, both clone and host die from a system shock. Success means that only the clone expires and the client may inhabit a new clone body in 1d6 weeks. Labyrinth Lords are encouraged to have the Tourist PC play hirelings until their primary character returns.

Tourists employ the Fighting Man Attack Table and Saving Throws and gain levels on the Magic-User XP Chart.

EDIT: I initially set a movement penalty for the first two levels, but a group of fellow bloggers dissuaded me. Ultimately, the most persuasive argument was from Cole, who said, "How many of these guys do you think ever live beyond first level? And, really, don't you want these idiots leaping around shouting, 'Woo-hoo! Look at me, guys!'?"

5 comments:

  1. This is absolute fucking genius. You have justified my goofing off for half the day right here. Also I'm about to write about Barsoom, so I'll be spreading this as far as I can.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Richard. I thought this would appeal to you.

      Delete
  2. Can they pull out from the deck at a moment's notice? When they get scared? So suddenly your fearless square-jawed companion feints into a coma when the going gets rough? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Although certainly possible, FunView LLC does not recommend that users disconnect from the system without allowing a "cycle down" period of approximately 10-15 minutes. Failure to do so may cause feedback deleterious to the user.

      Every day FunView is working towards improving your Adventure Tourism experience. Forthcoming driver updates will minimize the likelihood of undesirable feedback. While awaiting driver updates, users are advised to minimize the possibility of exposure to potentially harmful feedback. This may occur when: a) the user improperly logs out of Interplanetary WirelessTM or b) the user's avatar meets its sudden demise.

      Side effects from a feedback "surge" may include: Cranial bleeding, respiratory failure, nerve damage, uncontrolled release of bladder, and even death. FunView LLC is not liable for damages related to such feedback.

      Delete

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